The DashMonster
by Chibi Kohana
Summary: Okay, bascially this is a random physcotic story that makes fun of name spellings, it had my friend Yume in tears when she read it. No joke, it's halairous. Rated for slight cussing, nothing you wouldn't see in the show though.


**Disclaimer:** I do own Inuyasha, I do! beats off lawyers with sticks I do! Mwahahaha! Ack! No, that hurts! Okay, you win for now. I don't own him……. yet! 

**_The Dash-Monster_**

**It was a peaceful quiet day. The sky was a bright beautiful blue, and puffy clouds were rolling lazily across it. Inuyasha was dozing in a tree. Suddenly, there was a scream.**

**Voice-** AAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Inuyasha-** Hey, I know that.

**Oh, sorry. Let's try again. It was a peaceful quiet day. The sky was a bright beautiful blue, and puffy clouds were rolling lazily across it. Inuyasha was dozing in a tree. Suddenly, there was a scream.**

**Voice-** AAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Inuyasha-** Do you have to do that? Talk about stating the obvious.

I** have to do that Inuyasha, I'm the narrator, Kohana. Don't make me mad. Trust me, I'm the Boss and I can do things. Watch! Suddenly the wind picked up and the sky turned black. Thunder rolled and lightning struck inches from where the dog demon was sitting. I smiled evilly to myself. Inuyasha ran to find where the scream came from.**

**Inuyasha-** And what if I don't!

**Then I can make more lighting, and this time I won't miss!**

**Inuyasha-** Whatever.

**Go or I will. I'm serious. Inuyasha ran off to find where the scream came from. He topped a hill and came upon Kikyou. But wait, no, that couldn't be her. Was it?**

**Inuyasha-** Get on with it, will ya? Why can't it be Kikyou. She looks like her to me!

**Inuyasha looked more closely at Kikyou. She was laying helplessly on the ground. Then suddenly, even though he has such a thick skull, he realized what was wrong with Kikyo.**

**Inuyasha-** Kikyo, no. No, it can't be. Who did this to you? he shuddered at the sound of her name

**Kikyo-** It was a horrible monster. She grimaced Horrible.

**Inuyasha-** Kikyo. How could it have done something THIS awful! Oh, Kikyo, how could anyone steal your 'U'?

**For you dim-wits out there, Kikyou is now Kikyo. Still haven't noticed what's wrong yet? Kikyou. Kikyo. See any missing letters? Like maybe a 'U'. I thought so. Took you long enough. I'm surprised Inuyasha got it that fast. He's kinda dense you know. Don't tell him I said anything though, he's kinda sensitive about it too. Hehe.**

**Inuyasha-** I heard that!

**Whoops, Oh well. At least know he knows.**

**Inuyasha-** Kikyo, I will get your 'U' back, I swear it…..

**Inuyasha launches into what is sure to be a very long and boring speech about how he will get her 'U' back, but….. A huge purple cow with pink polka-dots falls from the sky and lands on her. It utters a loud 'Moo' as Inuyasha gasps in horror. Or is it joy? I don't know, I'm glad she's squished though. Ha, I am the absolute ruler, what I say goes! Inyhoo, Inuyasha, she's surely dead. Better go avenge her death and whatnot, you know find her 'U', make sure the monster doesn't strike again. All that good stuff! I am so cruel, but you know you love me. Every single one of you! Hugs!**

**Inuyasha-** How dare you! How could you?

**Easy, the same way I'm gonna do this. Inuyasha, this is a pretty bad monster. You could end up Inyasha, or even worse, Inu-yasha! You might need some help defeating this baddie. You know who we need?**

**Inuyasha-** No, no you wouldn't!

**Watch me! We need Sesshoumaru! Aww, how sweet, your big older brother is going to help you defeat the Dash-Monster!**

**Sesshoumaru-** Says who?

**Says me. Remember Fluffy, I am the absolute ruler of this fan-fiction.**

**Sesshoumaru-** Don't call me Fluffy!

**Inyhoo, as I was saying. Sesshoumaru walked up to his little half-brother and gave him a big hug.**

**Sesshoumaru-** I'd rather die.

**That can be arranged. After you help him beat the monster, that is. Let me see, how would you like to die? A polar bear could eat you, or a poodle could tear you into a million tiny pieces, they have sharp teeth you know! Or I could sing songs by the Beastie Boys to you, until you go insane and kill yourself. Sesshoumaru simply gave me an evil glare, and then suddenly……**

**Voice- **AAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

**There was a scream.**

**Inuyasha-** Nah!

**Sesshoumaru-** No shit Sherlock.

**Now, that wasn't very nice you two. I'm gonna let that one slide since here comes Kirara. Kirara ran up to the two dog demons.**

**Sesshoumaru-** Err, one dog demon. The other's only half.

**Whatever, Sesshoumaru, does it matter? Without waiting for his answer I continued. Kirara ran up to the two dog demons. Before she could utter a sound, Sesshoumaru began to growl. His eyes turned red. Man, that's the worst case of pink eye I've ever seen. Inyhoo, his face lengthened and he proceeded to transform into his huge dog form.**

**Kirara's eyes widened with terror and she turned tail, err, tails and ran, changing into her larger form as she ran. I said changing into her larger form as she ran, okay, thank you. Sesshoumaru bounded after her.**

**Inuyasha-** Oh no. Not again. This is always so embarrassing.

**Inuyasha, better do something. You can't let him eat Kirara. That would be really bad, she's important in this story. At least for a little bit, heh. Suddenly Inuyasha knew what to do…..**

**Inuyasha-** Well, what is it? I got nothing.

**Well, if you wouldn't interrupt me, as I was saying. Suddenly Inuyasha knew what to do. It hit him hard, like, well, like this….. Suddenly a giant watermelon came flying at him, conking him in the head. As he moaned and wiped the sticky juice from himself, he pulled a giant newspaper from his kimono shirt and jumped to Sesshoumaru's nose, who was chasing Kirara in circles, and proceeded to beat him with it. The giant dog stopped in his tracks and fell to it's knees. It lifted it's giant paws and began to rub at his nose, whining. As Sesshoumaru transformed back, Inuyasha noticed tears gleaming in his eyes.**

**Inuyasha-** Are you crying? Oh my gosh, you are!

**Sesshoumaru-** It's not funny. It's tender. He sobbed

**Inuyasha-** Yeah, actually it is. That is so hilarious!

**Yes, it is funny, but it's just as funny that Inuyasha forgot to mention that he bawled every time someone so much as flicked his cute little ears.**

**Inuyasha-** Uh, what are you talking about? No I don't! I don't!

**Wanna try me? A giant green hand appeared from the sky threatening to prove it.**

**Inuyasha-** No that's okay. Gosh, Sesshoumaru, do you have to do that every time you see a cat demon?

**Poor half demon Inuyasha can't just find the joy of chasing cat demons and eating them……**

**Sesshoumaru**- That's right. Thank you!

**Wait, Sessy, you didn't let me finish! Poor half demon Inuyasha just couldn't understand the joy of chasing cat demons and eating them, and drinking out of toilets, err, outhouses, or whatever ya'll use. And peeing on carpets and humping people's legs.**

**Sesshoumaru-** Wait! I don't do any of those other things!

**Oh, really! I can make it happen though.**

**Sesshoumaru-** No! Don't! You wouldn't dare!

**Try me, ya better stay on my good side! Inyhoo, you better go investigate that scream. Before I get another idea of how I can torture you. They were about to run off when Kirara cautiously jumped to Inuyasha's shoulder and spoke up as to why she was there in the first place.**

**Kirara-** Mew!

**Inuyasha-** No! Are you serious!

**Kirara-** Mew!

**Inuyasha-** We've got to go, and hurry!

**Sesshoumaru-** What did she say? He asked curiously, tears still present in his eyes.

**Inuyasha-** She just said it, you gonna make her repeat it?

**Sesshoumaru-** I don't speak cat demon, though I do eat them.

**Inuyasha-** He sighed at his brother's ignorance. You just have to listen! She said 'Sango was sitting up on that hill over there, he pointed and this huge ugly monster snuck up on her and attacked her and it was awful and she barely got away in time but it got Sango. When she went back to her after it left, Sango was unconscious and she couldn't get her to wake up then she heard us arguing with Kohana and she came, but then you started chasing her and then we were arguing again, and she's really scared that Sango is deadly hurt and we have to get to her as soon as possible, as in right now!'

**Sesshoumaru-** She said that all in one little 'mew'?

**Inuyasha-** Do I have to repeat myself? Yes! Now let's go!

**The trio walked up onto the hill where Kirara had said Sango was. As they reached the top, Inuyasha caught sight of Sango. Nothing could have surprised him more than the condition she was in. He was expecting the worst, but this was far worse than what he was prepared for. Even Sesshoumaru uttered a small gasp at how horrible it was. Inuyasha and Kirara ran to her side and knelt beside her limp body.**

**Inuyasha-** San-Go, San-Go, are you alright? Speak to me!

**Kirara-** Mew!

**San-Go-** Uhh, she moaned Inuyasha? What did you call me?

**Inuyasha-** Oh San-Go, I'm so sorry. Who could have done this to you?

**San-Go-** Oh, Inuyasha. She shook her head It was terrible.

**Inuyasha-** Oh, San-Go, I promise, I'll get rid of your 'dash', I swear it.

**Suddenly Kagome appeared from the bushes and stepped over to San-Go.**

**Kagome-** Inuyasha, what happened to her? Here, I'll take her back to the village. Hurry though, you need to defeat the Dash-Monster and get rid of her 'Dash' and soon!

**Inuyasha-** I'm goin', I'm goin', Geez, cool your jets!

**I'm getting a tad bit bored of the lack of violence in this story so far so….. As Kagome helped San-Go up to help her back to the village, she decided to have a little bit of fun, at Inuyasha's expense.**

**Kagome-** Inuyasha, Sit boy! Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, and SIT!

**Inuyasha-** He merely groaned from his position deep in the ground.

**Well. After watching Inuyasha in the rift in the ground for a little while, Sesshoumaru got sick of waiting for him. He simply walked off.**

**Sesshoumaru-** Inuyasha, if you want to defeat the Dash-Monster, then you'd better come now. I'll leave you and defeat it myself. It's no skin off my back.

**Dang, he's good. As he left, Inuyasha pulled himself of out the hole and ran up to him. They walked then….. Then. Do you know what's coming next?**

**Voice-** AAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

**There was a scream**

**Inuyasha-** …….

**Don't you say a word Inuyasha! A large piece of duck tape appeared over his mouth. As he struggled to remove it, he realized that the scream sounded like Shippou's. Sesshoumaru walked up to his younger brother and ripped the tape off, with a loud yell from Inuyasha, of course. And they ran off towards the scream. As they topped the hill they came upon Shippou. Inuyasha ran off towards the young Kitsune. Inuyasha dropped to his knees beside him. Sesshoumaru did the same. As he did, Inuyasha gave Sesshoumaru a strange look.**

**Sesshoumaru-** What?

**Inuyasha-** You don't care about anything, so what's up with this?

**Sesshoumaru-** What, I've e always had a soft spot for fox demons, they're so cute and fluffy. This one reminds me of me. He's cute and has a big fluffy tail, I'm hott and I have a big fluffy thing over my shoulder.

**Inuyasha-** Oh my gosh! You're joking!

**Sesshoumaru gave him an evil glare. Shippou began to stir. Inuyasha pulled him into his arms.**

**Inuyasha-** Shippo, Shippo, are you okay?

**Shippo-** What did you call me?

**Inuyasha-** I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We'll get your 'U' back, I promise!

**Shippo-** Oh, this is so horrible! Please get it back, Inuyasha, please!

**Sesshoumaru-** We'll get it back little Kitsune, I promise. He said stroking Shippo's tail

**Shippo-** Why are you here, with Inuyasha? Inuyasha, why aren't you killing him? Here's your chance!

**Sesshoumaru-** We have a psycho narrator.

**Shippo-** Oh, I wondered why the Dash-Monster looked like it did.

**Inuyasha-** What did it look like?

**Shippo-** I can't tell you. The narrator won't let me.

**Shessy, I can't believe you called me psycho. I'm gonna get you for that. Revenge is sweet. The sky darkened and thunder rolled and lightning crackled across the sky. But not right now. The sky turned blue again. I'll get you later. I have an idea.**

**Sesshoumaru-** I'm scared. Really scared.

**Suddenly Kagome appeared and picked up Shippo and carried him off, telling him not to worry, and that Inuyasha will get his 'U' back. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha ran off towards the direction the Dash-Monster was. They entered a meadow filled with lots of green grass, dandelions and yellow flowers. Sesshoumaru stopped and picked a dandelion and blew it in Inuyasha's face, who started sneezing uncontrollably.**

**Sesshoumaru-** Oh my gosh, I'd forgotten. You're allergic to dandelions!

**Inuyasha-** _sneeze _How_ sneeze_ could _sneeze_ you _sneeze_ forget! _sneeze_

**Sesshoumaru**- Just slipped my mind. After all, I try my very best not to have anything to do with you at all. Or did you forget about that?

**Inuyasha-**_ sneeze_

**As Inuyasha sneezed and they walked out of the meadow, Sesshoumaru stopped and picked several dandelions and slipped them into his kimono. They topped a hill and came upon a stream. Inuyasha stopped by the stream and turned around to face Sesshoumaru. As he started to say something, his jaw dropped.**

**Sesshoumaru-** What are you staring at!

**Inuyasha-** Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. His face curled in an evil smile

**As Inuyasha said this, the Dash-Monster pounced. It attacked Sesshoumaru violently. But even as it attacked Sesshoumaru and ran away, no one got a clear view of it. Sesshoumaru picked himself up off the ground and inspected himself. He felt fine, and looked fine, though a little dusty and somewhat shaken.**

**Inuyasha-** He tried not to laugh. Sessho-Maru, are you all right? His attempt not to laugh failed miserably. He collapsed on the ground, banging his fists, laughing hysterically.

**Sessho-maru-** It's not funny!

**He was outraged, he pulled a dandelion from his kimono and blew it into Inuyasha's face, who started sneezing again.**

**Sessho-Maru-** Let's go find the Dash- Monster, NOW!

**Sesshy, like I said. Revenge is sweet, no? Ah well, you'll get over it. You'll get your 'U' back soon enough. No big deal. They made their way off again.**

**Inuyasha-** That's so funny. I can't believe that psycho narrator did that to you! That's hilarious!

**Suddenly behind Inuyasha there was a puff of sparkly pink smoke and a huge pink elephant with blue polka dots appeared. It reared up on it's hind legs behind Inuyasha, trumpeting it's loud cry as the song 'Pink Elephants' from 'Dumbo' played in the background. It waved it's huge truck, clearly about to fall on Inuyasha.**

**Inuyasha-** I'm sorry, I meant, umm, not psycho, but, beautiful, smart, sexy, hott, all powerful, best fan fiction writer in the whole universe that has ever lived and will ever live!

**The elephant disappeared in a puff of sparkly green smoke that left Inuyasha coughing. The song faded into nothingness.**

**Inuyasha-** Whew, he wiped sweat from his brow

**Sessho-Maru-** Inuyasha, he tugged on his brother's shirt Look!

**He pointed behind Inuyasha, and they beheld the Dash-Monster in all it's evil fluffy cuteness. BUM BUMMM BUUUUMMMMMMM!**

**And there it stood, holding a brown bag in which the 'U's' were undoubtedly being held hostage. It was short, fat, hairy, and worst of all….. PURPLE! It stood in front of them. It was so cute, then it bared it's menacing sharp fangs and was clearly about to attack them when…..**

**BUM BUM BUM BUUUMMMMMMM! Wouldn't you like to know!**

**Inuyasha-** Yes, Damn it, what happens to us?

**Alright, alright, keep your shirt on. The Dash-Monster was standing beside a tree. And from that tree, jumped a squirrel, and let me tell you, those squirrels are evil. With their big buck teeth, and big fluffy tails, and razor sharp claws, and worst of all, their BIG RED EYES! And, I swear they're watching me all the time. They are always staring at me! Always! Non-stop!**

**Sessho-Maru-** On with it! I want my 'U' back and to get rid of my Dash!

**Fine, fine, keep your pants on. The evil squirrel sneaked up behind the cute and fluffy unsuspecting Dash-Monster and opened it's huge gaping mouth, filled with razor sharp teeth, and those big front buck teeth and swallowed the Dash-Monster whole. All that was left was the brown bag containing the 'U's'.**

**Inuyasha-** He covered his eyes That was horrible.

**Sessho-Maru was bent over hands on his knees, throwing up. The squirrel gave a huge burp and ran off, red eyes glinting. Sessho-Maru came up, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and spoke weakly.**

**Sessho-Maru-** Can we leave now. I never want to see another squirrel again. That was horrible.

**Inuyasha-** Yes!

**He ran forward and grabbed the bag and the brothers ran off. They reached a clearing where all the other characters were grouped, some waiting for their names to be fixed. Inuyasha opened the bag and pulled out a 'U' and handed it to Shippo, who accepted it gratefully and became Shippou again. Then Inuyasha pulled out another 'U' and handed it to Sessho-Maru who became Sesshou-Maru. Then he reached over to San-go and pulled away her dash and she became Sango again. Then, though he was tempted to leave it in place, he pulled away the dash from his brother who became Sesshoumaru again. He put the Dashes in the bag and reached in again. He pulled out an 'X.'**

**Inuyasha-** Where did this come from? Oh well, who cares.

**He replaced the 'X' and reached in a final time and pulled out the last 'U.' It could only be Kikyo's. It had a halo and angel wings on it. As he held it the wings fluttered and he let it loose, it flew heavenward where Kikyou now rests. Wait, it disappeared, clearly heading for Hell, who Kikyou now resides, and she deserves every minute of fiery torture that she will receive down there. Mwahahaha! I start to sing, I KILLED KIKYOU! I KILLED KIKYOU! I KILLED KIKYOU!**

**Inuyasha-** Can it!

**Whatever. Wait, can? I can so that! Suddenly music was heard in the background. Da, Da Da, Da Da, Da Da, Da Da, Da Da Da Da……. And everyone hooked arms and began dancing the Can-Can.**

**The End!**

**Th-Tha-That-That's all folks!**


End file.
